Hungry but Full

I’m hungry. A lot. And often.

I’m hungry for more.

Hungry for food.

Hungry for contentment.

Hungry for affirmation.

Hungry for control.

Hungry for more “me” time.

Hungry for security.

Hungry for the thrill of purchasing something new.

Hungry to feel deeply full.

These hunger pangs come knocking throughout each day, reminding me how empty I feel…or how full I could feel. They promise fulfillment if I take filling myself into my own hands. 

These empty promises say things like:

“If I say ‘yes’ to eating whatever I want, whenever I want, my stomach will feel full and I will feel satisfied…and less out of control. Plus, I’m supposed to ‘listen’ to my body right? It says it wants chocolate chip cookies, so I better listen.”

“If I say ‘yes’ to purchasing that thing, it will satiate my desire for all the other things. AND it’s on sale…I’m basically making money. This time I will really feel content.”

“If I say ‘yes’ to whatever those around me are saying ‘yes’ to, perhaps I will finally feel like I fit.”

“If I say ‘yes’ to watching this TV show or movie (again) I won’t feel so tired, lethargic, empty, or antsy. It’s been a long day. I need to disengage and let my brain breathe. Plus, it’s nice to ‘exit’ reality sometimes.”

Notice how these promises, in one way or another, promise to make us feel full. To satisfy some longing deep within us. But they are empty promises. I mean that in two ways: First, they won’t actually fulfill - they can’t follow through on what they promise. Second, they will actually leave us empty.

If we respond to each and every hunger pang in the way we feel we should or want to, we may “feel” better for a moment but we inevitably end up hungrier, less satisfied, and more likely to say yes to more emptiness. This is a cycle grouped with shame, guilt, and selfishness: 

When I overeat, though it may taste good in the moment, I end up feeling ashamed. These feelings make me want to eat again. Hello brownies.

When I buy something I haven’t prayed and received peace about, I may experience a small thrill but as the thrill wears off, the emptiness I was trying to fill is still there…and perhaps more intense this time. The feeling of satisfaction didn’t last, so I go looking for something else to fill the void. I put this search at the forefront of my life - making (almost) everything about how I feel or what I want.

When I say and do things that those around me are doing, though I am convicted not to, I feel guilty and self-conscious. I feel like a fraud. Which makes me feel like I don’t truly “fit.” So, I try to fit again…and again…and again in varying ways and degrees.

When I binge watch TV shows and movies, I may feel good numbing my reality while my eyes are fixed on the screen, but when it ends - reality is still present. I feel emptier than when I started as I compare my life to what I just watched or felt. Though deep down I don’t want to keep numbing myself…I want to keep numbing the pain. I can’t seem to stop thinking about watching something again. I respond in irritation when my evening “relax” time is interrupted (with reality). And I don’t truly relax even when the screen is on. 

I can’t fill myself. 

We can’t fill ourselves.

I’ve tried. You’ve tried. 

It’s out of our control. Because we aren’t in control. And as humans, we like control.  Acknowledging we can’t fill ourselves is one of the most humbling things we can do - because it admits we aren’t in control. It isn't easy to admit I can’t fill myself. It seems I should be able to. But we weren’t designed to fill ourselves. And nothing but God Himself was designed to fill us. 

True, deep, lasting satisfaction comes in the surrender of ourselves to God as we allow Him to fill us with Himself; to wash over us with His love; to satiate us with His goodness. Nothing compares. Nothing. 

When we experience hunger pangs, what we truly desire is the fullness only God provides. Saying “yes” to God instead of to trying to fulfill ourselves is called dying to self. It is the hardest thing we could do: to say “no” to our flesh and “yes” to Christ and all He calls us to. We intensely experience the feelings of our flesh and we feel compelled to try to satiate these feelings with all the enticing things the world has to offer. And they aren’t all bad: food, screens, and buying items aren’t bad in and of themselves. But when we turn to them to fill us, they become idols. Meaning, they take the place of God as first in our lives. 

The more we stuff ourselves with the things our flesh desires without first taking it to Jesus, the less room for true satisfaction we leave. On the other hand, if we run to God first, allowing Him the room to speak, move, and work, we give Him all of our space. We give Him our honest desires, we give Him the room to clear things out of us; we give Him the space to satisfy our deepest longings. 

If we were designed to be filled by God alone, then we are designed to hunger for Him. During the sermon on the mount in the book of Matthew, Jesus says: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6, NIV. Emphasis mine.)

Jesus promises fullness. Fullness when we hunger and thirst for righteousness. Which can only be found in God. I don’t know about you, but when I have been in deep throws of hunger pangs for things I don’t feel like I want righteousness. I want the chocolate. I want the shirt. I want the accolades and the laughs. I want the comfort of filling my belly and feelings right now. 

I am reading a book called “Full: Food, Jesus, and the Battle For Satisfaction” by Asheritah Ciuciu. In this book she talks about how her desire for food was greater than her desire for God. So, she began to pray a prayer for desire. That she would desire God more than whatever she was hungering for.

As a practice of hungering and thirsting for righteousness, I have taken this prayer as my own. In moments when I want to eat or purchase something, when I want to feel accepted or comfortable, when I want to shut the world off so I can have some “me” time - I try to take these desires to God first and ask Him: “Help me to desire you more than I want food, to escape into a show, to buy something, to feel in control.” Then, I try to speak His Word over my life. It shifts my eyes back to Him. Reminds me that whatever I desire can only be truly satisfied in God. I practice allowing His Word to fill me when I'm hungry.

In order to give God the space to fill us, we have to practice giving Him the space to fill us. 

Start with asking Him to give you the desire to desire Him. Bring your requests before God. He already knows what you need and what you desire. Then, open His Word and allow it to fill you.  If you’re experiencing hunger pangs in the same area(s), write down a verse or two or a few and take them with you, tape them around your house or work station, put them on your phone and look to them when you feel hungry for something. Even if it isn’t bad. 

You may still feel physical hunger pangs, but the internal desire for true satisfaction will begin to be fulfilled. It may not feel natural at first. It may take everything within you to say “no” to switching on your phone and scrolling through social media and opening God’s Word first, but with His power, you can do it. I can do it. 

As we allow Him to fill us first, we begin to see what we actually need to do next. Perhaps, in peace, we will still eat the cookie or buy the shirt. Perhaps we will still engage in social media for a few minutes or watch a TV show. But we will do it with a renewed sense of fulfillment and peace - knowing God is with us, that He truly satisfies. 

I pray that as we practice putting Him first, we find true satisfaction in Him. May we hunger MORE for Him each day. He will satisfy. 

Rest. Breathe. Restore. 

1. What do I hunger for?
2. How do I try to fulfill these hunger pangs?
3. How do I feel after I’ve tried to satiate these desires? What cycle does it spur on?
4. What does God want to say to me about this?
5. Read Psalm 23. God is a Shepherd that provides all His sheep need: water, rest, protection, AND a feast. Holy Spirit, what do You want to say to me about this passage? How do I allow You to provide all I need? When do I take this into my own hands?
6. What Scripture passage(s) speak to the areas where I hunger for something other than God? Where can I place these passages so I can fill myself with God and His Word first?