I don’t like messes. I just don’t. I like everything to have a place. Things can be used, but I want them returned immediately. They have perfect little homes for a reason (am I right?).
I hate when things feel undone. Messes feel undone…and sometimes they undo me. Sometimes, I allow messes to control me. Sometimes (often times), I forget joy and fun can be found IN the messiness.
Even writing that last sentence makes my brain twitch…“How can joy and fun be found in messiness?!” When I see messes, or the potential of messes, my brain says: “Abort! Abort!” rather than, “Jump in! What beauty can be found here today?”
For instance: baking. I love baking. Baking is messy but the result is delicious. That is, if my kids don’t add extra salt or baking powder when I’m not looking. My kids love baking. However, I do not always love inviting them into baking…because (just per example): flour. Athaleyah and Hagen adore scooping up flour and pouring it into a bowl. They want to add anything and everything to the bowl. They do not care what it looks like, what it will taste like, or how much of a mess things will make because they are having FUN. In all transparency, I am a terribly messy baker myself. Add two littles to an already messy Momma and just imagine the potential and probable explosions to come.
Flour, baking power, baking soda, salt, sugar, and crushed eggs. You name it: if you’re baking with it, it’s messy. The potential of flying and falling particles all over the various surfaces of my kitchen makes me feel like (firmly) saying “NO” to the chubby, sweet hands that want to help.
Though I don’t like the potential of creating more messes, I recognize the importance of inviting my children into the things I do; into creating memories; into my life even if it interrupts what I want. So, I often allow them to bake with me. However, after saying “yes” to baking, I still have to choose to say “yes” to joy and fun.
I have to intentionally fight the desire to keep things “just so” in order to allow my littles into fun memories of baking with Momma. I also have to intentionally choose to ENJOY the process of baking with them. I can say “yes” to allowing them to bake with me, but if I correct and warn them the entire time that, “That could spill if you do that…just so you know!” I set an anxious, perfectionistic, rigid framework for them.
I often operate out of this framework for reasons deeper than not liking flour all over the counter and floor. I don’t like physical messes, because I don’t like internal messes. And, I don’t like to take time to clean messes, either internal or external. Messes make me feel undone and uncomfortable, so I want to avoid them. Messes make me feel like my ends are unraveling when they should be tied up. They make me feel like I don’t have it together when I think I should. They make me feel like I’m not good enough for love or grace or friendship.
Just as I want external things to stay in their perfect little homes, I want internal things to do the same. I want things to make sense, to be ordered, to be boxed up and named. I want things to feel manageable and controllable. I want to like what I see in me. When I don’t like what I see in me, I feel imperfect. I don’t like messes because I have often tied worth to perfection. And messes aren’t perfect…they’re messy. They’re vulnerable. They’re undoing.
But Jesus never says: “I can’t love you, be near you, or use you if you’re a mess.”
Instead, His Word says:
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly…But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Romans 5:6,8 (NLT) (emphasis mine)
God loves us because HE is love - not because we aren’t messy. He sent Christ to die for us while we were powerless and still sinners. Before we were even born, Christ decided to save us, despite the amount of internal or external messiness in our lives. He didn’t wait until we had it all together or until we looked “enough” like Him, because we never will. But He came and freely gave Himself out of the love He embodies. He justifies us. And now, the power and holiness we have is from His Holy Spirit.
…And the Lord - who is the Spirit - makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.
2 Corinthians 3:18b (NLT) (emphasis mine)
God makes me more and more like Himself. GOD does this! Not me. It doesn’t happen all at once and it doesn’t happen in my power. I can’t will myself into being more like Him. And less messiness doesn’t mean I’m more perfect and therefore more loved. I simply have to allow Him to work in me. I can choose to believe that He can and will fill me with the power to become more like Him, in spite of internal or external messiness. I can believe He will use messes to remind me of my dependency on Him, of my desperation for His goodness and glory, and for refining parts of me I didn’t know needed to be sanded away.
Today, I want to choose to see a mess and embrace it. I don’t say this as a cop-out to cleaning up after myself or ignoring things inside me that God wants to refine. Instead, I want to allow God the room to tell me how He wants to use internal and external messes as a means of His love and grace. He refines my internal messes, and external messes are okay. I don’t have to avoid them or freak out when they interrupt my plans. I can gently, humbly step into them and extend the same love and grace to my kids, husband, and myself that God has already extended to me.
**Side-note: We recently moved to Southern California from Michigan (a story for another time). We arrived in Orange County three weeks before the moving truck. Since we sold most of our furniture before moving, we found/were gifted some pieces while waiting for the rest to show up. Friends also let us borrow or gifted us some essentials (like chocolate chip cookie ingredients - thank you, Katie). During the three weeks, I had so much peace and joy. I realized how little we really need. There was blessing in less.
Then…the truck showed up (after I wrote this post, by the way). I find myself easily overwhelmed when so much is dumped at once - or really, when anything goes other than according to plan. I haphazardly worked from one box in this room to another box in that room, frantically wondering where we would fit everything (even after purging a lot before moving). On day two, while standing in the kitchen, I remembered the very post I had just been working on. This one. The thought came to mind: “Jump in! What joy and fun can be found here today?” Y’ALL…it changed my perspective. I breathed in and out and shifted my focus: I let me kids help, play with all. the. things., took breaks, and made sure to spend time in the Word. I didn’t get the mess totally organized - but I had more peace while doing it. And, dare I say, FUN. I enjoyed my time organizing, purging, and watching my kids climb in and out of boxes. For any of you who doubt (like I did): there CAN be joy and fun found in messiness!**
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
What fun and joy can you intentionally choose to engage with in the messiness today?
Rather than avoiding it, how can you allow messes and messiness intentional room to work in your life?
What internal messiness have you been avoiding that God wants to gently and graciously speak to you about?
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