Limitations

Well…it’s been a minute.

The last few months took some unexpected turns and writing was one of the first things I removed from my daily rhythms (…that is, my daily rhythm of survival…since I didn’t really seem to have daily rhythms. That’s a whole other topic).

I was left to stare my limitations in the face, probably, in the most profound and pronounced way than ever before. I don’t think my limitations are actually more profound or pronounced. In fact, I have probably always been as limited as I currently am. Sure, capacities can fluctuate in different seasons of life, but I have been made to exhibit limits in every season. This keeps me dependent upon Jesus: to listen for His voice, to root myself in the bedrock of His strength, to glory in His goodness and perfection (instead of my own). 

In the past, I would push past limitations, believing I can, and should, do more. I would step where I was not meant to step, and take on what was not my responsibility. I would pendulum swing from overcommitment to isolation, from self-defense to self-hate, from people-pleasing to self-pleasing. Desperation to prove to myself, others, and (ultimately) to God that I was enough, acceptable, and lovable, became the toxic fuel I tried to run off. I would give out of something I did not possess. This left me empty, tired, and at the beginning of a sin cycle where Haley tried to take control of fulfilling her core needs instead of allowing Jesus to do so. 

This morning I was reading a devotional in The Daily Office by Peter Scazzero. In a section called “Know Yourself That You May Know God” Scazzero quotes Parker Palmer. Palmer writes this on limitations: 

“When I give something I do not possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love but is, in reality, loveless - a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other’s need to be cared for.

One sign that I am violating my own nature in the name of nobility is a condition called burnout. Though usually regarded as a result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not possess - the ultimate in giving too little! Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have, it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.”

God has been bringing up limitations a lot.

I hate that. 

And I love it.

It is a blow to my flesh that I desperately want because it brings the potential for great growth. But it hurts. Dying to self hurts. Killing my flesh daily to take up my cross, hurts.

You seen, when we are left to stare our limitations in the face, We meet the empty spaces where we know we need filled. The key is to not just stare at our limitations - or our strengths, for that matter. The key is to not to stare at ourselves - or anything but Jesus. When we stare into the face of our Savior first, we experience His holiness and love. When we surrender every part of ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ first, through the power of His Holy Spirit, He will instruct us on how to “order our loves rightly” (as my beautiful friend, Lindsay Luttrull says).

When we are feasting on Jesus, allowing Him to fill us first, we can release our tight grip on ourselves and expectations and rejoice in our smallness, in our weaknesses, in our desperation for Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 12:10 Paul says:

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

It is easy to feel weak in our weaknesses. It is easy to complain about them. It is easy to try to cover them up and pretend we are better than we really are (like we never spill coffee out of our cups, for instance...or shortcomings

out of our flesh). It is difficult to choose strength in our weaknesses; to rejoice when we feel weak. But it is necessary to choose this kind of surrender in order to experience the joy of the Fullness of Life that is Jesus. If we continue to push past our limitations and act in self-protection and self-defense in the name of success, drivenness, accomplishment, or some form of the Gospel we think we are spreading, we will miss the true Gospel that it is all about Jesus. 

This God Who embodied flesh and came down to die as a perfect sacrifice for our sins and to be raised to life in order to conquer Satan, sin, and death on our behalf so that we might have Life with Him forever: we are desperate for Him in every way. Celebrate this desperation. We aren’t called to be what we think we should be or what others expect us to be. We are called to Jesus. In dying to ourselves, picking up our cross daily, and following Him; in abandoning everything to follow Him. He will show us where to go and what to do…and it might look like “less” than what we expect or want. But it is enough in Him.

Questions to Consider: 

What have you been trying to give that you don’t possess?

In what area(s) of your life to do you sense God is revealing limitations to you? 

How can you rejoice in your weaknesses, seeking surrender and fulfillment in total surrender to Jesus Christ?

Jesus, 

Thank you for being enough. Thank you for being strong in my weaknesses. Thank you for being patient with me when I have continued to try to act and work out of what I do not possess. Forgive me for seeking fulfillment and strength in anything but You. Teach me how, Holy Spirit, to rejoice in my weaknesses, allowing You to be everything. Teach me how to listen to Your voice to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” May I revel in Your goodness today, O Lord. I love you. Thank you for loving me first. In Jesus’ name, amen.