Saying "Yes"

 

“For it is you who light my lamp;

the LORD my God lightens my darkness.

For by you I can run against a troop,

and by my God I can leap over a wall.

This God - his way is perfect,

the word of the LORD proves true;

he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 18:28-30 (ESV)

The Lord lights my lamp.

The Lord lightens my darkness.

Just breathe that Truth in for a second.

The Lord lights my lamp.

The Lord lightens my darkness.

What great relief I sense in those words this morning. A morning - after months of mornings - where I do not feel like I can run against a troop or leap over a wall. In fact, I feel like curling up in a hammock in the sun somewhere warm, with ocean waves playing a lullaby for me against a sandy beach. I feel like ignoring the demands of life and closing my eyes for a long, long time.

Are you weary?

I am.

I feel it.

I don’t mean to harp on the subject of weariness in these blogs, it’s just so prevalent in my life right now. Some of this weariness is inevitable in a season of life as a working Momma with two littles, one of whom hasn’t slept well since birth 7 months ago. 

(However, I want to stop and celebrate that Hagen slept from 7:30 to 3:30 last night…that’s EIGHT hours y’all. Momma wasn’t asleep during all of those hours, but I got a solid chunk of sleep I haven’t experienced for a long time. I woke up a bit baffled and went to make sure Hagen was still breathing…apparently my presence in his room reminded him he should eat.)

However, a part of this weariness is perpetuated by my own expectations: 

expectations of where I am versus where I think I “should” be,

expectations of what I “should” accomplish

expectations of how I want to be present in community.

So, I say “yes” too often. It explodes from my mouth before I think, before I look at my calendar…before I pray. I want to take everything, every moment to the King and ask Him what He has for me. Though I am doing this far more often than I used to, I still find myself overwhelmed because I have over-committed…and to good things. Community things. Fr-amily (friend-family) things.

I say “yes” when my capacity in this season cannot handle it. 

I say “yes” and subconsciously hope God will bless my efforts.

I say “yes” to accomplishing.

I say “yes” to running against a troop I am not to run against.

I say “yes” to jumping over a wall I am not meant to jump.

Instead, I want to stop…everything. 

I want to stop and surrender: to listen to the Holy Spirit:

Which way should I step today? 

What should I say “yes” to? 

What fits into Your plan for my life, Lord?

I have to be willing to say “no” to things, even good things, to say the most remarkable “yes” to what God has for me, for His glory. That means, I may not be able to say “yes” to every crisis that pops up around me (which I have a tendency to do). And that may hurt others (which I hate doing). Saying “no” includes me me saying “no” to myself and crises I create: 

I have to choose to say “no” to accomplishing more than what God has for me.

I have to choose to say “no” to not resting in a season where I desperately need it.

I have to choose to say “no” to continuing to purge things when God is calling me to be still.

I have to choose to say “no” to staying up too late working on things or talking to people.

I have to choose to heed His voice and then to obey what it is saying to me. Otherwise, I will continue to be weary in ways that are not supposed to come with this season. Otherwise, I will miss running against the troops He calls me to run against. I will miss leaping over the walls He will help me jump…even when I am exhausted. 

What I am trying to say is: it’s okay to be tired in this season of working Motherhood. When I say “yes” to what God has for me, I will still have the strength, energy, and ability to do what He has called me to do. However, when I say “yes” to all the things I want to do, if they are outside what God has for me, outside my current capacity, this tiredness turns to a weariness that invades my bones. It causes me to act extra irritably…because, “I just want to be able to get this done!” or “I just want time to myself to not be interrupted!” The things God has for me begin to feel like interruptions to my own plans, instead of divine appointments.

What about you? 

What are you saying “yes” to that leads you into weariness God never intended (even if you’re saying “yes” to good things)? 

What do you need to say “no” to in order to say the most remarkable “yes” to God’s plan?

Are you listening to His voice? 

How do you need to practice listening to Him?

Are you in His Word daily?

How are you doing in the areas of surrender and obedience?

Let’s allow the Lord to light our lamps and not try to light them ourselves, shall we? 

He is the one that will lighten our darkness. 

His Word proves true.

He provides everything we need…so we can trust Him with everything. 

Whew…what a relief.