Obedience

Obedience is something I’ve heard about my entire life. Starting from infancy, I was taught to obey. I was asked to:

obey the commands of my parents, 

obey the rules of the house,

obey the rules of the law,

obey the rules at school,

obey the structure in Sunday school.

I felt pressured to:

obey social norms,

obey societal expectations,

obey the emotive surges inside of me.

There is structure in obedience. I believe we can learn humility, healthy submission, self-control, and balance while practicing obedience. I also believe that as I learned to listen to and obey the voices of my parents I was being taught how to listen to and obey the voice of God. 

The practice of obedience is/was crucial to my spiritual growth. As I grew, the parameters of obedience morphed. The more experiences I encountered, the more knowledge and wisdom I gained, the more autonomy I stepped into. As this autonomy took place I was expected to make more and more decisions on my own. I imagine my parents, coaches, teachers, and leaders hoped I would make healthy, wise decisions based on the foundation of obedience I was taught. 

These people had spent hours, days, months, and years teaching me about how to make decisions. Each decision had a positive or negative consequence. Haley really wanted to experience positive consequences. 

As a kid, I wanted to obey the rules. If there wasn’t a rule to follow, I would try to discover what it was. “I mean, there has GOT to be a rule to this, right? WHERE is it?” The problem was…there wasn’t a black and white rule to every scenario I encountered. Many times I almost wished I still had people telling me exactly what to do so I didn’t totally screw up the pending outcome.

The consequences for my actions/decisions was very much my own. One of the issues was: I couldn’t choose the consequences. I could choose my actions…not the consequences. 

For instance, I would try to obey the rules of the belief systems I held in hopes of earning God’s love, humanity’s approval, and great success. But, in the first place, many aspects of the belief system I operated in weren’t true. In the second place, even the parts that were true didn’t promise to give me the things I thought I wanted. 

For quite some time, the differentiation between experiencing the consequences of my actions and what I thought I wanted, and what actually came to be and what God’s plan really was, bothered me. It made me itch. It made me cry. It made me wiggle and wrestle inside. It made me angry.

“But I did ___________! I obeyed this rule I have inside me! Why aren’t you fulfilling your end of the deal, God?! What is going on?!”

I was treating God like a contract God and not a covenant God. 

I was treating myself like I was god.

And whenever I tried to be god of my own life, I was trying to fill myself with things that would only leave me wanting.

Instead, obeying the covenant I willingly stepped into with God promises that:

He will never leave or forsake me.

He will give me wisdom when I asked for it.

He will give me peace beyond understanding.

He will provide all I need (according to His heart and plan and not necessarily my desires).

He will lead me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. 

He will protect me (again…according to Him).

So, lately, I have been trying something new:

I obey God’s voice...these stirrings inside of me that prompt me into the fullness of Life.

These stirrings that tell me to:

Pick up that piece of garbage. 

Slow down my pace so someone who wants to stop me to talk doesn’t feel like they are interrupting my, seemingly, busy schedule.

Not watch that TV show.

Not watch that movie...even if it isn't "as bad" as others. 

Not respond out of emotion…choose peace, patience, and grace.

Call out sin in the body - even when it’s uncomfortable.

Choose healthy conflict and resolution.

Ask people to stop talking about others…or walk away.

Not laugh at that joke.

Ask others to not swear in my house.

Listen before I speak.

Not assume I know what others are going to say…or what they think.

Not assume my perspective is correct.

Apologize when I am wrong (even to my children…).

Choose vocabulary that speaks life.

Allow Athaleyah to make brave, courageous decisions (rather than helicoptering out of fear).

Let messes happen.

Leave dishes and laundry undone and toys strayed about so I can be present.

Ask the hard question.

Not emotionally manipulate.

Not do x, y, z because someone else is.

Be completely honest.

No longer do I want to justify my actions: what I say or don’t say, what I do or don’t do. No longer do I want to act out of the fear that I may come across offensive or judgmental. If I am walking in obedient surrender to the One Who invited me into Life in the first place, then I can rest in the truth that He will provide what I need. He will usher me into whatever is ahead…

even if and when I am misunderstood; 

even when I feel like I might “miss out” on something; 

even when I wish I could zone out from “real life” today.

I am far from perfect at this. In fact, as I write these examples I am reminded of many times (just in the last week) I haven’t obeyed these whispered commands, these invitations into obedience and deeper communion with God.

I am also reminded of the moments where I have obeyed and the beautiful

consequences I am ushered into. These consequences where I experience God’s voice more clearly, deeper relationship and trust with Him, and freedom. This God-sized role my King has for me to play in His Kingdom becomes less about me and more about Him as I respond in humility and surrender. The more I obey His voice (even when it doesn’t make sense), the more I want to obey His voice…and the more I obey it, the clearer I hear it.

I don’t want to go back.

Ahead is new and a bit (or a lot) uncomfortable.

But, man, will it be worth it.